Shannon!

Legend tells of a legendary rocker whose awesome rocking skills were the stuff of legend. The world literally trembled in 1632, when a chance meeting at a monster truck rally of a drunken milkman & a former Texas stripper turned tilt-a-whirl operator sewed the fabric of time that would ultimately bring about The Chosen One. On the day he was born, the nurses all gathered round & they gazed in a wild wonder at the joy they had found. The head nurse spoke up & said "Leave this one alone!" She could tell right away that he was the most rockin' rocker who could & would rock this here rock, bro!

(Cue uber-dramatic film score music here!)

 Without a moment's hesitation, the rocker jumped up on a hickory stump & said "Boys, lemme tell you what!" He grabbed a bass made of babies of all the non-believers.that's right, REAL BABIES.cranked it to 11 & hit the most ear-shattering, bowel-shaking, brown note & declared "I AM THE GOD OF THUNDER!" His skills were so deadly that his enemies would go blind from over-exposure to pure awesomeness. "He's too awesome," they would say. It was then when Keanu Reeves spoke his favorite exclamation for the very first time. "Whoa." The oceans began to boil & the mountains turned to dust! This was the day when the most powerful men of the lands let out a collective girly-man shriek! It sounded something like, "Egads!" Or maybe "Eek!" Not a whole lot of people remember exactly because, man, it was pretty loud that day. One dude remembered overhearing another dude talk about this dude who said "Holy Shhhhhheeeeeep!" Anyway, it was pretty rad.

The boy grew to be a man. A god! A rockin' MAN-GOD, mang!!!

He made a name for himself in the wondrous wilds of Texas & Kentucky by uprooting trees with his bare hands, slapped on some vines for strings & began wielding the largest self-made guitfiddles the world has ever seen because, well..no one had made them before! Of course, these "tree" fiddles would instantly turn to mere embers after withstanding only seconds of his unholy shred abilities. Soon, the trees began to turn on him, as his reputation was expanding, faster than the speed of the universe. (It could happen.) As the Maples screamed "Oppression!" while the Oaks just shook their heads, The Chosen One kept them all in check by hatchet, axe & saw. Well, that & blindness from over-exposure to pure awesomeness.

 So, after a stint as a tight end in the NFL, it was time to move to the Great Northwest. The land of more trees, microbrews, jets, computers & most of all, tremendous music. He delved head first, which hurt a LOT, into the bustling music scene. He brought the rock! He brought the metal! He brought the..well, you get the idea, but what a show it was! But just when you thought it couldn't be topped, he brought the pop! A true master of all trades doth not waver, fools! He brought it all in the name of.all.that .which is good..and holy....and stuff. Yeah! RAWK!

He is the man who drinks a cup of ale made from the molten lava that is the Devil's Jacuzzi bathwater.
He is the man who gave Ted Nugent guitar pointers & lived to tell about it. He is the man whose pheromones affect people miles away.
He is the man who steps into a room & makes you look better.
He is the walking, talking, fire-breathing metal man-god that's equally at home with Deee-Lite.

He is..the bassist for MISTER MIYAGI. Well that & the only long haired dude, so he's pretty easy to spot. He.I'm, um...he's dreamy.